Psalm 40...for when you start to slip

I waited "patiently" for you, God;
you heard me crying and turned to look at me.
You saw where I was... neck-deep in shit!
You weren't put off by that--
You reached right in and took hold of me,
cleaned me up and set my feet on solid ground.
You gave me something new to sing and talk about...
for the first time I was grateful.
When others see what you've done for me...
how can they not trust in you, too!

But some trust in the things of this world;
in success, power, savings accounts and status.
Don't they know that those things disintegrate without warning?
They come and go.  They have no power to save.
But you do.
You have planned wonderful things for my life.
Even now I know you are weaving endless threads together;
making something beautiful of the life I have entrusted to you.

What you require of me seems so small
in light of what you have done for me.
You don't want extravagant sacrifice--
just the gift of my willing and obedient heart.
I want to do this, you've given me a life with purpose.

I want to tell others about your goodness,
your righteousness and your truth.
I don't want to hide any of it anymore.

But God, please continue to be merciful to me and protect me
because I feel that I am falling...
sinking into the muck again.
I continue to mess things up-- day after day.
I can't even keep track of my sins--
sins of thought and deed, sins of commission and omission.
I get so frickin' discouraged.

So Lord, save me again and again.
Some people are so quick to point their finger!
They take secret pleasure at watching me fail.
Please deal with them as you see fit.

In the mean time, thank you-- you've surrounded me with people who know you.
They can rejoice with me because they know.
My story makes sense to them
because it is their story--
they've been rescued too!

I know that I am just small,
I can't do this on my own.
I can't do anything on my own.
So I trust in you completely
to help me,
to help me today,
to help me now.

Graced out... whatever happened to sin?

Back in the day, while trying to rid myself of some post-baby weight, I would do (suffer through) some of Jillian Michaels' dvd workouts.  I’ll confess… I didn’t stick with it.  But one thing she said still sticks with me.  Whilst motivating (read "berating") the at-home participants, she barked out this message-- "You have been given a false message of lethargy!” Basically, what she was saying (and I paraphrase) was that some people believe that taking the stairs or parking further away from Dunkin Donuts (so that you have to walk a bit) was enough to snap you back into shape.  False message.  Those of you who have worked hard to attain physical fitness know that this is simply not true.

Sometimes, I fear that a similar message is being preached in our American churches today.  Don’t we have our very own “false message of lethargy”? 

Since the time I was small, I have heard many sermons on God’s love and His grace… all true, all beautiful.  I’ve learned about God’s capacity for forgiveness.  In fact, when I was young and I had just learned about the atrocities of Hitler and the Nazi party, I asked my mom if God could have forgiven Adolph Hitler for his horrific sins.  Wise woman that she is, she answered, “If Hitler understood his sin and was truly sorry for it, then... yes.”  Wow.  If God could forgive Hitler, then He could forgive anyone! But, there is a smallish obligation on our part.  There is something we need to do. We need to repent. We need to turn from our sin and follow Jesus.

But what if we don’t recognize our sin? What if we don’t name it? What if we excuse it, justify it or blame it on someone else?  What if we live in a time, a place and a culture where we’re all okay and we are the way we are for any number of reasons, what then?  Frankly, then grace is less amazing.  For if we are all just fine, or at least not as bad as our neighbor, then from what, pray tell, do we need be saved? 

It’s not all about grace. (gasp)  Ask John Newton, ask the apostle Paul.  Newton is quoted as saying, “My memory is nearly gone, but I remember two things: that I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Savior.” Paul said this, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”  Grace makes no sense at all out of the context of our sin… and sin seems to have been taken out of the conversation.  Or if we talk about it… is it only a part of our rote church-speak? Do we really feel the pain of it? Do we want to be honest about it and confess it to others? If sin isn't hurting us, then why should we care about grace saving us?

I write this because I need to learn this. 

For the love of God, someone tell me how bad I am.  When I begin to understand how sinful I am, then maybe I will finally understand the depth of His love for me.  I want to know what it cost Him to sacrifice His own son for my sinful self.  I want to finally understand the goodness of the “good news.” And then, I want to live my days “working out my faith with fear and trembling” with a debt of gratitude to my redeemer... that He would save a wretch like

me.

Psalm 51... The importance of "sorry."

God help me!
Remove this stain of sin from me
because of your love for me
and your deep compassion.
I know that I have sinned,
I think about it all the time.
The shame of it stays with me.
This is nothing new... to me or you,
but I am eager to confess it to you.
You are teaching me to be honest
with myself and with you.
Bringing my sinful self to your feet
causes me to grow in trusting your mercy.

I know that you can fix this.
You can wash me clean.
Take the burden of my sin off my shoulders--
the weight of it is bringing me down
so that it's hard to take joy in anything.
Take my guilt away,
make me shiny and new.

I want to have a pure heart, God.
Really, I do.
Give me fresh resolve to follow you.
My sin has separated me from you...
come back and get me!
Remind me of the joy of being saved.
I need your Holy Spirit.
Give this obstinate brat a willing heart
to let You in.

Only then will I be a light in this world;
showing others how to truly repent,
and what it means to be forgiven.
I want to tell them what you have done for me,
I want to live my life thanking you.

I know that you don't care about
my little gifts and offerings
when my heart is not in the right place.
But oh how you smile
when I grieve over how I've grieved you...
that touches your heart.
The best gift I can give you
is a humble heart...
to say a sincere "I'm sorry"
to the One who loves me.

I trust that when the time is right,
you will straighten me up again.
Then I will serve my King with joy,
released from the burden of shame,
left only with the happy task
of pleasing my eternal Father.